No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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