When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The feeling are messing with the penis
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
