I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
