he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
