Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
