If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
