dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
