Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
