where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize