My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
