nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
