i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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