My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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