I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
