Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
