What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fill condoms, not promises.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
