I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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