I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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