I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
