Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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