Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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