This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
