You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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