So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
