Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
