I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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