They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
