bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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