Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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