I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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