At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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