I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't deserve a penis
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
