is your mom at the bar?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
