I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
