Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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