Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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