Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I could fuck to npr.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
