dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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