we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
