i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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