hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
