i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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