She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
