oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
