Sponge bath it is.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
