the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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