he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
