I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
