I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
