I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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