just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize