you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
