btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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