my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
