sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
