the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
