My Higher Power is John Stamos
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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