I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
