please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
