Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Houston, we have a squirter
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
