I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
