I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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