Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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