**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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