well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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