im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Alive.
So much puke
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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