were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
