i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
